Breakup Quiz: 20 Questions to Ask Yourself

Breakup Quiz:
20 Questions to Ask Yourself

By Dr. Diana Kirschner

Of course, some relationships are destructive, smothering or empty and they have to go.  But these days breaking up and divorce have become so socially acceptable, that many couples who could work things out wind up dissolving their unions.  And often there is a big price to pay for this. As a couples therapist and love expert, I’ve seen too many people regret ending their relationships.  Usually the breakup itself is quite painful.  They suffer with financial setbacks, emotional breakdowns and if they have kids, children’s adjustment problems.  Often they wind up alone and unhappy for years.  And if they are not self-reflective and transform themselves as opposed to blaming their partners, they usually end up making the same mistakes again and again with different partners. If you have any doubts about this, check out the divorce rates for second and third marriages.

But before you take the quiz,  I want you to take advantage of my FREE ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to rekindle a love relationship, deal with breakups,  heal heartbreak and  Find,  Attract and Date terrific guys  by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Just Click Here to get started now.

Now back to our Break Up Quiz.  Before you leap back into being single contemplate these 20 questions. Be as honest as you can be and preferably ask your best friend, advisor, sponsor, or therapist to help you answer them honestly.

1. Have you searched within to see if you have given your all to this relationship?
2. Did you set aside time to be alone as a couple to continue your bond and friendship?
3. Were you clear and upfront in explaining what you wanted and needed from your  partner?
4. Did you make a serious attempt to provide what your partner wanted and needed?
5. Have you noticed and appreciated the helpful or caring things he/she has done?
6. Have you tried out the viewpoint that everything your partner complains about is legitimate and something you need to be working on?
7. Have you tried treating him/her lovingly, the way you would like to be treated?
8. Have you checked to see if your partner is growing as a person?
9. Is your partner becoming someone who could have a more loving relationship with you?
10. Have you worked on forgiving and being forgiven in the relationship?
11. If you or your partner had an affair is it this event that is the primary reason for the breakup? Even affairs can be forgiven, if there is true remorse.  Many times with the proper counseling the whole relationship can be turned around and get better after an affair.
12. Did you express more gratitude or criticism in the relationship?
13. Did you tell your partner directly that the problems in the relationship were so severe that you wanted out?
14. If there are sexual problems, did you try your best to work on them?
15. Did you try to create chemistry and attraction?
16. Did you set aside time for sex?
17. Did you spend time teaching each other how to give sensual and sexual pleasure?
18. Did you spend quality time really listening and paying close attention to your partner?
19. Have you made personal changes as per your partner’s suggestions that would be in your best interest?
20. Have you seen a couples therapist or counselor and given it your best shot?

If you cannot answer “yes” to most of these questions, reconsider ending the relationship.  Go into couples therapy and work on the issues/behaviors in the questions you said “no” too.  You may be able to save yourself (and your kids) from huge financial and emotional heartache.

As the poet, Rainer Maria Rilke said, Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves.

To locate a competent couples therapist, make an appointment for one consultation visit with two or three professionals to find a good fit for your relationship.  You can get referrals from the American Psychological Association or the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy.  Also, if you have any friends who have had success with a couples therapist, definitely have a consultation visit with that counselor as well.

And don’t forget to sign up for FREE ongoing support:  You can learn EXACTLY how to Find,  Attract and Date terrific guys and create Lasting Love that is just right for you by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Just Click Here to get started now.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

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