Oh What a Wonderful Feeling…Sugar & Love

Hi all!

Recently I met the super duper Connie Bennett, author of Sugar Shock, a terrific book on the perils of sugar in your diet –and she asked me to do a personal guest blog for her on sugar and love. I thought you would enjoy it too, so here it is, hot off the proverbial press:

When I was a child, my mother often showed her love by secreting me away from my other siblings and sharing a cookie, a piece of cake or candy just with me. In fact, she stressed that she was sharing it with me because I was so special. I certainly felt special—even though the sugary love drug usually made me sick to my stomach. (Ring a bell?)

My mother’s unconscious actions led to a lifelong, unsatisfying push-pull between sugar and me. Sugar took on so many meanings—the special comfort of my mom, being chosen and being loved. And of course, sugar did make me feel good—at least temporarily when it gave me that great initial rush. But once I started dating, if I broke up with a guy, I headed straight for the Ben & Jerry’s. Then I’d eat a whole pint or more—to the point of getting myself sick. It became both a reward and a punishment. (Connie tells me that many of you also experience a similar “unrequited love affair” with sugar.)
It took me years to detach from the sugar-equals-love approach. It took me years to learn to love myself enough so that I did not need to put large amounts of sugar in my body as a kind of love drug. It took learning to love myself enough.

Ultimately, out of that self love, I was able to give myself a wonderful relationship with a caring man—which in turn, steadied me and made it easier to take control over that sugar demon, which used to possess me.

As a psychologist and love expert who has helped thousands of women find lasting love, I have seen that for many women, self-love is the governing mechanism, which determines what they put in their bodies, as well as how they run their love lives.

If single ladies are caught in a vicious cycle with low self–esteem they will often date guys who disappear or who are not good for them. When the relationship hits a downtick, they, too, head straight for a sugary fix to help them in their pain. Of course, this act just makes them feel much much worse.

The bottom line, as I point out in my book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, is that to release yourself from the sugar demon, you need to work on loving yourself. You need to find and cultivate what I call your Diamond Self (most lovable self identity). Here are 5 tips to bring a loving, fulfilling relationship to you in 3 or less months:

Every day, look lovingly at yourself in the mirror and say 5 positive, adoring, complimentary things to yourself. Do this 3 times a day — in the morning after you wake up, at lunch time (you can even slip away from your desk and do this for a minute or two in the restroom while at work) and then again in the evening (either before or after dinner). If you start the day by giving yourself five compliments, you’ll make a shift that makes it easier to control what you put in your mouth and how you run your love life. (Instead of seeing your fat, cellulite or wrinkles, you’ll notice how kind your eyes are, how pretty your toes look in those sandals and how much character and wisdom you have in your face.)

Take a minute now to close your eyes and remember a time when you felt lovable, as well as comfortable and fully accepting of yourself.
Now give that identity a flattering name like “Amazing Grace” and use that nickname when you talk to yourself.

Journal about what it would look, feel and sound like to live as if you were the person your nickname represents.

Finally, smile and say hello to at least three men (or women) you see today. By being friendly to other people, you’ll feel yourself with satisfying interpersonal energy that is more filling than food can ever be.

And if sugar is a problem for you, definitely check out Connie’s book, Sugar Shock. It will help you break free!

Wishing you love,
Diana

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Tags: dating advice, dating books, dating tips, Diana Kirschner, love in 90 days, relationship advice