Let’s face it: Dating is daunting. And when you’re over 40, it may seem next to impossible. You might be coming out of a long-term marriage, or emerging from a period of time where you were consumed with raising children or caring for elderly parents — or, perhaps you still are responsible for children and/parents. Have your “dating muscles” atrophied? You might feel like you don’t have the slightest idea how to go about flirting, meeting the opposite sex, much less handling issues of sexually transmitted diseases. You might feel like your body is old or unattractive. Disrobing in front of a romantic partner? Definitely not.
Plus, today’s dating world doesn’t remotely resemble the one you knew. How proactive are women supposed to be? Is the third-date rule (for having sex) still in effect? Just how do you handle an HIV discussion? Is online dating reliable, safe, or even effective? And all these questions and difficulties are magnified for female Boomers, who outnumber their male counterparts and also have to compete with younger women.
Yet many over 50s women, have gone out there and had the fun and excitement of their teenage years all over again (and with the wisdom of the years, it’s even better!). A 54 year-old artist recently e-mailed me about her new Boomer boyfriend: Joe adores me. He tells me I am a treasure, a rare beauty. I make him feel alive after so many years of being dead. Joe loves my voice, my thoughts, my work. He bought riding boots and we went riding together. His 95-year-old mom in Miami wants to see my photo.
Once you take the dating plunge, you may be very pleasantly surprised at the possibilities, especially in online dating. This goes for female Boomers too. They often report that once they start, they feel more confident, more clear about what they want and therefore, more attractive! Female Boomers are more empowered and more affluent than ever before. The good news is that often, younger women cannot compete with them for a male Boomer’s attention. The thirty-somethings are too active and demanding in terms of nightlife and other activities, whereas a Boomer man may prefer the seasoned wise companionship of a woman who has been there and done that. In other words, both male and female Boomers are in a position to pick and choose who they want to date.
Here’s what Shirley, a 50-year-old divorcee is experiencing:
I just met another amazing guy. This one actually was suggested by Match. I winked. He e-mailed. I e-mailed back. He called me and we had a fabulous conversation. He was so easy to talk to. He seemed honest and sincere. I asked some pretty blunt questions that he happily answered in good detail. And he’s tall! He created a business and sold it in 2006 because he had plenty of money and wanted to do something else. On the other hand, Bill, the writer, is coming out this afternoon. We are going to the beach. Bill says that he has written a poem for me…
So before we get to the six dating tips for over 40s I want you to take advantage of my ongoing support by signing up for my FREE weekly Relationship Advice and Dating Tips Newsletter. You’ll be glad you did.
The formula for successful Boomer dating
Here are six love advice tips to help you succeed at dating.
-
Tip: Take care of you.
For the outer (and inner) you, start a regular exercise program. It is definitely the fountain of youth. Give yourself a makeover so that you look great in your own eyes. Get that trendy haircut, go shopping, try out those clothes that your friend wears that give him or her a sexy, attractive or powerful look. -
Tip: Don’t be shy to advertise.
Then put out the word in your network that you are ready to date. Seventy-two percent of relationships come from a person’s network of friends, co-workers, and family. At first, don’t be picky — simply tell folks you are looking for a wonderful person. -
Tip: Go where the singles go.
Go where the opposite sex (or same sex, if you prefer) is. If you like what you see, smile, make eye contact, give a sincere compliment or ask for some help. Sign up for on-going classes/activities that interest you and that have potential dates in them. For example, courses on finance, investing, sports and leadership; snowboarding/skiing; hiking; and cigar tasting usually have a lot of men in them. If you’re a Boomer male, women are attracted to growth, craft, cooking, or spiritual courses. If you’re not sure, ask the enroller about the ratio of men to women. There are many other fun activities, classes, and clubs so Google any class/topic plus “your city” and “classes.” -
Tip: Definitely do not miss out on online dating.
Using the Internet is essential because it gives you a sense of the wide variety of singles that are out there right now. Thirty million singles are dating online in the U.S. according to the latest independent research. You can partake of this smorgasbord of possibilities right there at your computer. Spend the time and work two sites. In addition to subscribing to a large site like Match, eHarmony or PlentyofFish, subscribe to a more specialized site like christianmingle or Jdate. -
Tip: Put some time into it.
Most people spend more time planning a vacation than they do planning their dating lives. And they get great vacations and little-to-no love life! So if you want to date, get out your calendar and set aside 8 to 10 hours per week to spend on going to courses, working your online dating program and actually going out on dates. -
Tips for successful online dating
Women, make sure you use a great headshot photo — men are very visual. Either get one done professionally that looks casual, or have a photographer friend take 100 shots to get just the right one. Digital cameras make it easy to take many photos, so you can choose the one that’s perfect.
So now you have the basic tools for successful Boomer dating. Face down your fears and insecurities and get in the game.and don’t forget to subscribe to my weekly FREE dating tips & relationship advice newsletter. Click here to get it.
Wishing you love,
Dr. Diana
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
“Women, make sure you use a great headshot photo — men are very visual.”
Whoah! Women are very visual too. I reject most men online because their photos are so bad. You need to tell men to have a great headshot photo, and a great bodyshot photo.
I was interested in your work until “Dr” John Gray recommended it. Gray is very male chauvinistic and there are some great critiques of his work on the Internet. Check out “The Rebuttal from Uranus” and “Out of the Cave: Exploring Gray’s Anatomy.”
I am stunned at the bits and pieces I ignored before I read this post. Thanks for the first-class information.
I have a hard time staying in a lasting relationship. It has finally occured to me I need dating tips and advice. Obviously I turned to the internet and found your site on google and I am glad i did. good information on here. Keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll bookmark and be back! On-line Dating Help for the Shy Man
Try to find activities that you would enjoy with lots of guys in them–like courses on leadership, business, sports, dancing, hiking,etc. Make sure you make eye contact and smile and chat with the guys. also, vary your routine to meet more people!!
Wishing you love,
Diana
Hi.
I am a 50 year old female,living in Reykjavik,Iceland.I ordered the book,Find love in 90 days and loved it.Only the thing is,here we do not have so much on line dating,we do have one dating site but it is mostly used for …one night stand..since it is recommended to meet the guy only after few emails..I can not use dating sites from others country’s.I do envy you lady’s that can use the big dating sites.Also here in Iceland we do not have so much dating culture as in the USA.I know many,many single woman here whom are all having trouble getting asked out for a date.Maybe i should be the one to try this program out and pass it on to the Icelandic women…and do not know where to start.
During the “inbetween” times of dating, there is a great book that is encouraging for the boomer gals.
When You Grow Up and Get…Single. Fun, light, easy read. But-90 Days, so glad you’re here!