In Part I we looked at the best way that I know of to meet the One: the Program of Three.  This dating method is challenging, but it’s truly empowering. It allows you to be long-sighted and keep your eye on the prize: a lasting fulfilling relationship that’s just right for you. It helps you break through your Deadly Dating Patterns, frees you from the “three-date rule,” and keeps you protected from all the scenarios designed to break your heart. Of course, there are definitely obstacles to creating a Program of Three, but I’ve helped thousands of women do this already, and you’re no different. You can do it, too! And this article will show you how.

I can hear you already. “Dr. Diana,” you might be thinking, “I’m still trying to find ONE man to date. How can I find three?” First of all, listen up, ladies: there are more than 41 million single men just in the U.S. right now and different ones are coming on the market all the time! And every year, there are new online dating sites that bring in whole new crops to choose from. There are men out there. No matter what your age, weight or “problem” is.
What if you have special challenges because you are African-American…over 45…a single mom… or so highly successful you scare men away? In my book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love I devote an entire chapter to these groups. In it, you’ll find the latest research that dispels many of the urban legends that we have about finding a lasting love relationship.

In fact, almost every student I ever had who was willing to consistently work the principles, no matter what her challenges or deadly dating patterns were, has been able to create a successful Dating Program of Three.  And to help you on your journey, I want you take advantage of my free ongoing support.  You can learn EXACTLY how to find and attract the one, deepen commitment and much much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Click Here to get started now.

It’s not as hard as it seems. Drew, a 42-year old single executive with weight issues, was the highest bidder at a charity auction where a mentoring session with me over lunch was the prize. Here’s what she emailed me about a year later:

I particularly thought the point of ‘dating three guys at once’ was amusing at first, but then you know…. it worked. Even though at times I knew some guy wasn’t going to be the love of my life, it was still a diversion from getting involved with another guy too fast before I knew it was the right thing. I think this is the best advice ever and have passed it on to several of my friends. Last summer, I joined a large online dating site and ended up meeting a really nice guy, although at first not necessarily what I thought I was looking for. We get along great, have tons in common, and it’s by far the most mature and healthy relationship I think I have ever been in. We got engaged this past October while on vacation in Florence. He proposed in front of the Fountain of Neptune in the Piazza della Signoria. We are planning a wedding for next June on Martha’s Vineyard.

When you begin dating three men at once, you’re shifting the balance of power to be more equitable. Starting now, take a stand for yourself, a stand that says you deserve a great partner. Take your time, learn what is possible in a relationship, and start playing an active role in choosing who you’re with. Don’t wait to be chosen. Now, with all the online and offline possibilities you have an abundance of men at arm’s reach, you have the ability to pick and choose for yourself.

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

     Sex and the City 2 is just about to explode in the collective psyche of women everywhere.  Tickets are already going like hotcakes.  Why?  .  TCarrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are character types many women can totally relate to.  Their friendship is a soul mate bond, steadying each one, as they weave in and out of difficulties with men.  Sex and the City 2 will reveal more of their adventures and misadventures together in the world of love. 

       The Sex & the City foursome are good examples of women who deal with four common self-sabotaging patterns that many real women struggle withhe four Deadly Dating patterns are Crumbs, Chase Me, Not Perfect-I’ll Pass and Safety Net.   Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda transformed their patterns in order to develop or maintain love relationships. Their stories reflect the challenges and triumphs of real women as they navigate the rocky journey to lasting love.

      Here are the four Deadly Dating Patterns from my book, Love in 90 Days and their  all-important dynamics:

The Crumbs Deadly Dating Pattern (like Carrie)

• Accepting seductive & wonderful treatment from a guy who is ultimately out of reach & afraid of commitment. (Mr. Big) Carrie triumphs on this one!
• Fantasizing about & falling for men who put her second, behind work or other women  (the Russian)
• Cheating on a man who really loved her (Aidan), pushing him away.  (It looks like Aidan will be back in Sex & the City 2!!!)

 Deeper Dynamic: Believing that you don’t deserve a relationship in which you come first.

 The Chase Me Deadly Dating Pattern (like Samantha)

• Endlessly claiming she did not really want to have a relationship
• Leaving lovers & moving on for no apparent reason
• Fearing intimacy (Smith holding her hand in public!) and commitment

 Deeper Dynamic: A desperate need to be claimed, almost against your will, (As Smith successfully did for a while with Samantha.)

The Not Perfect—I’ll Pass Deadly Dating Pattern (like Charlotte)

• Fussy and a perfectionist
• Almost passed on Harry Goldenblatt, a man who was good husband material but balding & unpolished. (refused to go to beach party with him unless he had his back waxed)
• Judgmental and constricted about sexuality

Deeper Dynamic: A self-critical nature where you judge anyone who would want you as “not good enough.”

The Safety Net Deadly Dating Pattern (like Miranda) 

• Afraid of being alone & pessimistic about her odds of meeting a great guy
• Dating guys she feels are beneath her
• Attracted to a man only if other women are interested in him or he’s left her (Steve)

 Deeper Dynamic: Low self esteem & a sense that you can’t compete with other women for a really great successful guy.

     In the bestselling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days, you can read much more about each of these Deadly Dating Patterns and nine others that can seriously sabotage your love life.  And, most importantly, how to escape from each one of them to create the love relationship you really want!  

      Wondering which type you are?  You can take a special quiz and find out which Sex & the City Girl you are most like at http://www.MyDatingPatterns.com.  It comes with a free customized bonus Report & Fix-It Kit for your Dating Type.

Wishing you love,

Dr. D

Dr. Diana Kirschner

♥ Relationship advice from my heart to yours ♥

www.lovein90days.com

• HOW TO GET MARRIED –the NYC Learning Annex course Feb 8!!!

Use coupon code:   MARRIAGE -TO GET $10 OFF!

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER: http://www.learningannex.com/live_classes/94

Have you suffered from the anxiety of being in a relationship for months or years, wondering if there will ever be a ring on your finger? Were you afraid to have “the talk”
about the future for fear it will scare your beloved away and you will lose him or her forever? Do you have great relationships where you help your partner develop only to have them leave you and marry the next person they meet?

Come learn how to break through these dead-end patterns and create the security of a deeply fulfilling, committed relationship with your own true love! Renowned psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, host of the mega-successful 90 Day Love Challenge on the Fox Morning Show with Mike & Juliet will personally teach you:

- The single most important thing you can do to win the committed lasting love of the one you really want
– How to avoid the four most common mistakes singles make when they have the commitment talk. These deal-killers are guaranteed to backfire and make your partner want to dump you as soon as possible.
– Dating games commitment-phobes play and how to handle these games so you are not betrayed and heartbroken
– The most powerful thing to do when he/she won’t commit (it will turn things around so that they insist on proposing and sealing the love deal!)

Learn how to break through painful roadblocks and overcome commitment fears to create the marriage of your dreams! Dr. Diana Kirschner Ph.D.’s bestselling book, Love in 90 Days, just launched in paperback with a new chapter, Dating Games Men Play. It is also the basis for her PBS Special, Finding Your Own True Love. Dr. Diana is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & has appeared on: Oprah; Good Morning America & Access Hollywood.

Section A – 2/8/10
Location TBA
Midtown New York, NY 10018
Feb 08, 2010 at 06:45PM
Section Price: US $44.95

• PAPERBACK LOVE IN 90 DAYS BOOK PARTY & SPEED SHRINKING FOR LOVE

Book party features special networking mini-workshop with Dr. Diana Kirschner, author of the bestelling book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, launching in paperback with a brand new chapter on Dating Games Men Play! Speed Shrinking for Love is like speed dating, except you get to meet one-on-one for 3 minutes each–with a group of top dating coaches, therapists & love experts!

Friday Feb. 12 from 7 to 9 pm   FREE EVENT

Washington Square Institute

41-51 E. 11th street – 4th floor

Between Broadway & University

New York, NY

• SINGLES MIXER & LOVE  WORKSHOP

Bonfire of Past Hurts: Free Yourself to Create Lasting Love

Workshop & Book-Signing With Dr. Diana Kirschner

*Plus Love Ritual with Barbara Biziou!!

The Ultimate Valentine’s Day Gift to Yourself

Do you feel sad at times about your love life?  Bitter or angry about how unfair things can be when it comes to relationships?  Have unfinished business with an ex? In this workshop you meet personally with Dr. Diana Kirschner, one of the nation’s leading authorities on love, frequent guest on the Today Show and author of the bestelling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, which is now out in paperback with a brand new chapter on Dating Games Men Play! Dr. Diana will share the ultimate secret and dating tips she has used to help thousands of singles create more love in their lives.  In Dr. Diana’s experiential workshop you will learn to leave loneliness behind and tap into your “Diamond Self” so that you can find the One and create the love of your dreams.

Barbara Biziou, author of The Joy of Ritual, and The Joys of Family Rituals, is a leading expert in integrative wellness and global rituals. As an interfaith Minister she believes that ritual is a spiritual technology that strengthens and empowers us to create happy, prosperous and healthy lives. www.joyofritual.com

Saturday Feb 13   7-10PM   $25   Please RSVP (212)-243-0432

Tsalon
459 W. 15th St.

NYC
www.tsalon.com

Maybe you are in a long term on-again, off-again relationship where one or the other of you periodically withdraws or sees other people.  Have you ever been involved and in love with someone for months, or even years, only to find that they simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage?

The average time for a couple to move from dating to a committed relationship with a future that includes living together or getting married is from nine months to four years. All this varies considerably from couple to couple.  But usually, if things drag on in an uncommitted state much beyond a couple of years, the relationship will tend to go downhill. And eventually die.  So it is time to use the single most important thing you can do – whether you are single or in a relationship – to win the committed lasting love of the One you really want.  Here it is:

Create a Love Intention that is an affirmation about having love that is just right for you.

Write your goal down as an affirmation about you or you and your partner in the present tense, as if it is happening right now.  So for example, “I have lasting, passionate fulfilling love in my life.” You might say, “I deserve a full commitment from my beloved.” Or you could write, “Brad and I commit to moving in together.” Post your Love Intention where you and you alone can see it every day.  Make sure to read your note several times a day.  Give the affirmation your full attention for just a few seconds.

Please note: you do not have to believe an affirmation in order for it to “work” and come true.  Simply say it and let yourself have a bit of an imaginary fantasy as if it were true.  The latest research shows that this process can literally retrain and rewire the neural connections in your brain! And with that retraining, come new thoughts, positive thoughts that create even more connections in the brain and so on. As you practice your Love Intention affirmation over time, your brain will create more and more connections that help reinforce your belief and love intention.

Reading or thinking the affirmation will help keep your attention focused on what you want to create instead of having thoughts about past or current disappointments or worries about the future.  Negative thoughts lead to fear, worry and more uncertainties. In fact when negative thoughts do occur, my relationship advice is to train yourself to repeat your affirmation in your mind.  Do not fight doubts, fears, negative thoughts or feelings—just let them come but then simply and gently repeat your Love Intention affirmation.

Commitment ultimately stems from making a decision about what you are creating in your life and putting your attention on that decision, over and over again, and then acting on it, even in the face of disappointments.  You decide, commit and take action towards your own love-filled happy future. When you do this repeatedly no matter what, you will succeed in having all the magical alchemy of committed love for yourself and with your Beloved.  Learn How to Get Married at my exclusive Learning Annex class in NYC which I am giving to celebrate the paperback release of my bestseller, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, with a whole new chapter on Dating Games Men Play.

Wishing You Love,

xo

Diana

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Ok.  So I know it is the last thing you feel like doing.  You feel tired, sluggish.  I know.

But do it anyway.  Just for 5 minutes.  And by the way, while you are out there, smile and say hello to all the folks you meet (assuming you are in a safe part of town).  Giving smiles away as tiny gifts will make you feel socially connected and  good too.  And you never know who you might meet…

And don’t forget to get my FREE ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to Find,  Attract and Date terrific guys and create Lasting Love that is just right for you by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE! Just Click Here to get started now.

“Your free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter is encouraging, empowering and easy to put into action.  I’ve been dating much more and plan to tell you soon about the awesome new man in my life!” ~Connie Bennett, CHHC, ‘Gab with the Gurus’ Radio Host & author of Sugar Shock!

The Newsletter covers:

• The single most important thing you can do to create love in your life
• How to avoid the biggest dating mistake singles make
• The best dating advice tips for finding, attracting & keeping a phenomenal Lover/Best Friend/Companion
• Four deadly problems almost guaranteed to kill a love relationship
• The most powerful thing to do when he/she won’t commit
• How to stop a fight before it ruins your love connection
• A simple 10-minute technique that can save almost any relationship
• How to find Love Mentors who fast track you to finding true love
• Understanding & fulfilling your deepest relationship needs
• Four pivotal insurance factors that make a love relationship last

So don’t miss out on the Dating Tips & Relationship Newsletter!  It is my gift to you and absolutely free.

Wishing you surprising, fulfilling love this holiday season and throughout the New Year,

Dr. Diana

PS:  You can still buy my bestselling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days, as a special gift for yourself or a friend.  It’s on sale!  Just click on a book link in the box on the left. xo

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.