Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is an interview with Tamara on how to be irresistibly attractive to guys:

Can you be attractive without being a size 4 or over age 35?

Absolutely! I have a wonderful Love Mentee, ‘Sally,’ who is about 50lbs overweight and in her 50’s. Almost every man she meets asks her out, she’s so appealing. In the last year, 4 men have asked her for an exclusive relationship. This is someone who had trouble getting even one date. Now she’s a dating queen!

How did your Love Mentee do that?

She certainly didn’t start off as a man magnet. When she began Love Mentoring®, she had a host of negative self talk about her looks, her weight, her age and even her health issues. She would say things to me like, “I’m too unattractive to men”, “Men want thinner women”, “I’m too old”, “No man wants a woman with a back problem”…….. I explained to her that she was operating from a very negative identity when she had these thoughts. So, the first order of business was to create an identity that was beautiful, fantastic and very alluring to men. In Love Mentoring, we call this the Diamond Self Identity.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to become irresistibly attractive to men on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Can you talk more about this “Diamond Self Identity?”

Sure, helping people identify and access their Diamond Self is something I am very passionate about. What I’m talking about here is our true identity that we all have, otherwise known as our Higher Self or our True Self – it’s who we really are. We are all born as this Diamond Self being – so alive, passionate, curious, appreciative and compassionate, to name a few. But what happens over the years is that we have these experiences which cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, often times negative beliefs. These negative beliefs then become something that we identify with so much, we believe that THAT is who we really are. For instance, Sally really believed that she was very unattractive and that men wouldn’t be interested in her. She was operating from the identity of “Unattracttive Sally”, which, of course, made her feel terrible – really low. Through her “inner work” with me, she was able to realize that she wasn’t unattractive at all. In fact, I remember her saying, “Wait a minute, there really are some very attractive things about me – my eyes, my smile, my hair!” I knew that she was getting it. So, she replaced her “I am too unattractive to men” thought/belief and switched to “Men find me very attractive.”, which made her feel great! She then crafted her Diamond Self Name.

The Diamond Self Name?

Yes. In Love Mentorng®, we have a wonderful exercise called the Diamond Self Exercise. It helps you to access your True Self. What’s really fun is that you get to give your Diamond Self a name, a really grand name.  Sally’s is ‘Luscious and Alluring Venus.’ Isn’t that great?! Saying that name always makes me smile, as should any Diamond Self Name. So now, she doesn’t leave her home as “Unattractive Sally” any longer. She struts out of her door as Luscious and Alluring Venus (LAV)!!! You can even hear the difference in her voice. LAV has a great energy to her!!

Before, you mentioned “Inner Work”. Can you explain that?

Sure. Inner work is the deep, emotional work. It’s about self love.  If you can imagine that your Diamond Self is a helium balloon. This balloon is light and very floaty, always moving up, up, up. Well, whenever we have a negative belief, a complaint, a resentment, a guilt, etc, it becomes a tiny hole in that balloon. What happens over the years is that the balloon becomes more and more deflated. The Inner Work is patching up those holes, those leaks, so that the balloon can mend and heal and fly up, up, up again – as it was originally intended. I strongly believe that my purpose in life to help mend these leaks for people, so that they can live the life of their dreams. Now, that’s inner work. There’s also something called Outer Work.

Tell us about Outer Work.

Outer Work is all of the stuff we do to look good on the outside, which always us feel better about ourselves in the inside. Sally, for instance, wasn’t wearing makeup, jewelry or updated and trendy clothes. When she went food shopping, she looked frumpy in her sweats and T-shirt. Even at work, she didn’t wear make-up or jewelry. Sally has gorgeous thick long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. I had her go to a salon and get a trendy cut. Now her hair is free, soft and flowy and the whispy bangs frame her face beautifully. She is back to wearing a little mascara and lip gloss and a little jewelry. I had her promise me not to wear the sweats out of her house, and now she walks into the supermarket and dry cleaners in nice jeans or simple dresses. She looks younger, feels younger and, of course, feels so much better about herself. She told me that she used to avoid mirrors. Now when she looks in the mirror, she is pleasantly surprised by how good she looks.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Tamara as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become irresistibly attractive on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sally has really done some great Inner and Outer Work! Now, how does she actually meet these great guys?

Great question. Every where she goes, she now sees herself as the LAV. She does her Diamond Self Exercise before she walks out the door and reminds herself who she really is. Now that she has accessed her Diamond Self, she operates from that identity in everything that she does. Sally’s amazing. She uses every opportunity to meet men. For instance, Sally does a lot of travel in the U.S. for her job. One day, she was walking into a restaurant and this man was walking in at the same time. Seeing that he was alone, she very brightly said, “Hi, how are you today?!”. The surprised man warmly smiled back and said, “Much better now!” He quickly asked if they could sit together. They had a great meal together, laughing and telling stories of their travels. They have now been dating for 2 months, and I might add he’s very smitten with her, too.

Why do men find women who operate from their Diamond Selves so irresistible?

Who can resist someone who really likes who they are? Not in a conceited way, but really likes their own company. Men can tell right away that she has great energy, really has fun in her life and has so much to offer. Men want to be loved just as much as women do. Who could love them better than someone who loves herself and her life. Also, men are hardwired to help make their partner happy. They are happy when their partner is happy. I hear it all of the time from men, “I just want her to be happy”. Most men feel that way. So, when a men meets a woman who is already happy to be who she is, he can relax and just enjoy her and not feel any pressure to help her become happy.

Thank you, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How To Be Irresistibly Attractive (Without Being Thinner Or Younger)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, December 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How your negative beliefs can make you unattractive -
• How positive beliefs can make you GORGEOUS -
• How to present your best self -
• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your True or Diamond Self -
• How to operate from that Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

  What is the enduring fascination women have with the Sex and the City characters? The great promo shots of our gals in the desert for Sex and the City 2 gives us clues about why these four characters are so beloved.  Each one is so different–courageous, unique and self-expressed, from fashion to personality to choices in love.  Each character goes all out for whatever is calling her.  Carrie gets her elusive Mr. Big (although there will be troubles abrewing in the new movie on this front).  Charlotte becomes a practicing Jew.  Samantha triumphs over cancer and is still on her cougar prowl.  Miranda is handling the challenges of balancing work and family life.  In the new film the beloved characters will be having new desert adventures together.  The foursome are living out loud, as usual, with their own natural charisma and personal style. Each is moving forward in her life, doing freely what many women dream of.        

      But more importantly these four represent an ideal that most women strive for, an ideal that is just about as important as grand romantic love.  What is that?   A lasting, supportive, healing, uplifting and validating love relationship between women.  Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte are the ultimate BFFs.  Their relationship is the solid platform from which they dive into handling troubles with men, kids, cancer and more.  Their deep bond with each other is a super buffer to all the slings and arrows of misfortune that life throws their way.  As Samantha says to her compatriots: “We made a deal ages ago. Man, babies, doesn’t matter. We’re soul mates.”   This is the ideal friendship women love to see and what they strive to create with their own girlfriends.

      In my dating advice book, Love in 90 Days I describe how to set up this kind of extraordinary friendship group for single women—I call it a Team Love.  You can come to your Team Love group for solace when you are hurt, be inspired by others’ wins and have a whole posse of women who encourage and cheer you on.  The team can be a tremendous resource for you to learn about hot shopping, fashion, hairstylists, exercise classes, night spots and activities and more in your local area.

      The best news is, if you live in the Manhattan area you will find ample opportunity to live the Sex & the City girlfriend experience! There are two Meet-up Team Love groups you can join for free.  Join both at Love in 90 Days – Dating Secrets for Single Women and Love in 90 Days: The Queens Group   They have many awesome singles activities.  In these groups I have been completely blown away with how generous, caring and empowering the women have been toward each other.  They develop a real life Carrie-Samantha-Miranda-Charlotte type of friendship.  Here is a series of supportive, educational and inspirational emails going out to a Team Love Group:

      Roz hits a down cycle as she starts to date and writes:

I am a dead mouse.  I have had NO SECOND DATES at all.  All my first dates seemed fun and enjoyable and I found things in common with each person. I must appear to have two heads instead of one or something like that.

      Several supportive messages come back to her, including this one from Dyanne:

You’re NOT a dead mouse!!!! You’ve got to BELIEVE in yourself–So, you didn’t get a second date, no big deal because there will be more! You’ve got to look on the positive side of things, you had first dates. You are moving! And I haven’t even been meeting men.

      Dyanne writes two weeks later:

Hello Team Love, Just wanted you to know that I am meeting men!!! I had a chance meeting with an amazing trader earlier this week and he called me today to make sure I was coming to his meeting Friday.  And I met another walking down 46th St. at Madison Ave. We chatted for a few blocks and had a drink at O’Rourke’s. He is a lawyer from Memphis and asked if he could take me to the Opera when he comes back in a few months. The vibe is on.

      Drew responds:

Your beauty is irresistible!

I experienced some serendipity on Friday night that inspired me. I went to a talk on spiritual partnerships at the Lotus Buddhist Center. During the break I noticed Tommy, a surf instructor who I met last June at a surf-yoga retreat. We’re going out.  It’s a sign that I’m attracting men who are in alignment with me on a number of levels…spiritually, intellectually, artistically, physically, etc. 

Let’s keep it going, Team Love

Sending love to all of you!!!

Drew

     You can read much more about how to create a Sex and the City type of friendship group or Team Love for yourself in Love in 90 Days

   Also, you can take a free special quiz and find out which Sex & the City Girl you are most like at www.MyDatingPatterns.com.  The quiz will tell you which Deadly Dating Pattern you are playing out (whether you are more like Carrie, Samantha, Miranda or Charlotte!), that is, which type of dating and relationship behavior tends to sabotage your chances of lasting love.  Even better, the free quiz also comes with a free customized bonus Report & Fix-It Kit for your Dating Type. So whether you see the movie now or later, make sure to learn your dating type and how to overcome any obstacles you might be facing on your road to love.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.

♥ Relationship advice from my heart to yours ♥

www.lovein90days.com

 Dating Advice for Women

     Sex and the City 2 is just about to explode in the collective psyche of women everywhere.  Tickets are already going like hotcakes.  Why?  .  TCarrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are character types many women can totally relate to.  Their friendship is a soul mate bond, steadying each one, as they weave in and out of difficulties with men.  Sex and the City 2 will reveal more of their adventures and misadventures together in the world of love. 

       The Sex & the City foursome are good examples of women who deal with four common self-sabotaging patterns that many real women struggle withhe four Deadly Dating patterns are Crumbs, Chase Me, Not Perfect-I’ll Pass and Safety Net.   Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda transformed their patterns in order to develop or maintain love relationships. Their stories reflect the challenges and triumphs of real women as they navigate the rocky journey to lasting love.

      Here are the four Deadly Dating Patterns from my book, Love in 90 Days and their  all-important dynamics:

The Crumbs Deadly Dating Pattern (like Carrie)

• Accepting seductive & wonderful treatment from a guy who is ultimately out of reach & afraid of commitment. (Mr. Big) Carrie triumphs on this one!
• Fantasizing about & falling for men who put her second, behind work or other women  (the Russian)
• Cheating on a man who really loved her (Aidan), pushing him away.  (It looks like Aidan will be back in Sex & the City 2!!!)

 Deeper Dynamic: Believing that you don’t deserve a relationship in which you come first.

 The Chase Me Deadly Dating Pattern (like Samantha)

• Endlessly claiming she did not really want to have a relationship
• Leaving lovers & moving on for no apparent reason
• Fearing intimacy (Smith holding her hand in public!) and commitment

 Deeper Dynamic: A desperate need to be claimed, almost against your will, (As Smith successfully did for a while with Samantha.)

The Not Perfect—I’ll Pass Deadly Dating Pattern (like Charlotte)

• Fussy and a perfectionist
• Almost passed on Harry Goldenblatt, a man who was good husband material but balding & unpolished. (refused to go to beach party with him unless he had his back waxed)
• Judgmental and constricted about sexuality

Deeper Dynamic: A self-critical nature where you judge anyone who would want you as “not good enough.”

The Safety Net Deadly Dating Pattern (like Miranda) 

• Afraid of being alone & pessimistic about her odds of meeting a great guy
• Dating guys she feels are beneath her
• Attracted to a man only if other women are interested in him or he’s left her (Steve)

 Deeper Dynamic: Low self esteem & a sense that you can’t compete with other women for a really great successful guy.

     In the bestselling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days, you can read much more about each of these Deadly Dating Patterns and nine others that can seriously sabotage your love life.  And, most importantly, how to escape from each one of them to create the love relationship you really want!  

      Wondering which type you are?  You can take a special quiz and find out which Sex & the City Girl you are most like at http://www.MyDatingPatterns.com.  It comes with a free customized bonus Report & Fix-It Kit for your Dating Type.

Wishing you love,

Dr. D

Dr. Diana Kirschner

♥ Relationship advice from my heart to yours ♥

www.lovein90days.com

Flirting is an art unto itself.  Sometimes the simplest acts communicate the most!  Here is a video where  my assistant video pup, Madison, helps me demonstrate secret flirting tips that can work well with the next hottie you encounter!

By the way, this video has over 250,000 views and is one of the most popular ones that I have ever posted on my youtube channel.  For more flirting tips for girls and women, check out my best-selling book Love in 90 Days. 

And don’t forget: You can learn EXACTLY how to Flirt even if you are shy, Find,  Attract and Date terrific guys and create Lasting Love that is just right for you by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Just Click Here!

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

Deadly Dating Patterns are ways of dating that simply do not serve you–habitual, self-sabotaging patterns that do not get you the love you really want.  Three common ones are “The Flame Out,” “Crumbs,” and “Not-Perfect-I’ll Pass.”  In the Flame Out you fall in too deep and too soon with a new hottie–it’s all great…that is until the whole thing goes up in flames and you are all alone again.  In the Crumbs pattern you settle for much less than you deserve–maybe the person is married and seeing you on the side, maybe it is just an on-again off-again thing where he or she just sees you at their convenience.  But it sure doesn’t make you very happy!  And in the Not-Perfect-I’ll-Pass you are picky, picky, picky and find the fatal flaw in every potential partner.  And since no one is perfect, you wind up alone again.  This video addresses all three of these Deadly Dating Patterns and what to do about them!