Recently a research study on newly married couples done by the University of Iowa showed that providing too much support in the form of advice, emotional comfort, confidence-boosting and financial/material help is associated with less marital satisfaction. 

Of course, as we would expect, too little support was also associated with marital unhappiness.  

The bottom line for marital harmony is this: the giving of support has to be in line with what your partner actually wants and asks for!  Too much advice and too little building up of self esteem were the most problematic for men.  Too much advice, too much emotional support or the other extreme–too little advice–were most difficult for women.

So to create a great love relationship, think it through, speak your truth and ask for exactly the support you need from your partner.  And only that amount of support.

And read your partner’s signals.  Don’t just ignore him/her or simply keep overgiving.  Pay attention. Ask your Beloved to be clear about exactly the quantity and quality of support and encouragement they really need.

But according to a recent survey of 100 self-proclaimed cougars the rules have changed.  The old stereotype of the man-eater woman, a la Stifler’s mom from ‘American Pie,’ no longer applies.  These days it is not about a sugar mama having a no-strings-attached fling. It’s about finding a new form of true love.

More than 90% of these modern cougars say they want a long-term relationship with a younger man. They expect the guy to pay his way—to cover dinner or split the check.  These women want  the full experience of dating someone who is romantic, chivalrous and, best of all,  relatively free of the emotional baggage of past relationships.  52% of the cougars in the study were in their 40s and their ideal guy is aged 24-27.  45% were ‘lifestyle cougars’ who have dated more than five younger men.

Over-40 women don’t mind being called “cougars” but they are redefining the definition of cougar dating.  They know what they want in relationships and are opening doors to new possibilities for themselves.  For more on the cougar survey, go to http://www.cougared.com/report