The census data tells us that only 1% of all marriages in 2008 were cougar marriages, that is, between a woman who was 10-14 years older than her husband—while only 2.6%  of the brides were 6 to 9 years older.  But even though these weddings are rare, the concept of the “the cougar,” an older woman who dates or marries a younger guy, is creating new possibilities in dating. In this Demi-Ashton era, many 40+ women have happily broadened their matches to include younger men.

But according to a survey of 100 self-proclaimed cougars the rules have changed.  The old stereotype of the man-eater woman, a la Stifler’s mom from ‘American Pie,’ no longer applies.  These days it is not about a sugar mama having a no-strings-attached fling. It’s about finding a new form of true love.

More than 90% of these modern cougars say they want a long-term relationship with a younger man. They expect the guy to pay his way—to cover dinner or split the check.  These women want  the full experience of dating someone who is romantic, chivalrous and, best of all,  relatively free of the emotional baggage of past relationships.  52% of the cougars in the study were in their 40s and their ideal guy is aged 24-27.  45% were ‘lifestyle cougars’ who have dated more than five younger men.

Over-40 women don’t mind being called “cougars” but they are redefining the definition of cougar dating.  They know what they want in relationships and are opening doors to new possibilities for themselves.  For more on the cougar survey, go to http://www.cougared.com/report

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter

Too much of a good thing is not necessarily good when it comes to the relationship between you and your spouse!

Recently a research study on newly married couples done by the University of Iowa showed that providing too much support in the form of advice, emotional comfort, confidence-boosting and financial/material help is associated with less marital satisfaction. 

Of course, as we would expect, too little support was also associated with marital unhappiness.  

The bottom line for marital harmony is this: the giving of support has to be in line with what your partner actually wants and asks for!  Too much advice and too little building up of self esteem were the most problematic for men.  Too much advice, too much emotional support or the other extreme–too little advice–were most difficult for women.

So to create a great love relationship, think it through, speak your truth and ask for exactly the support you need from your partner.  And only that amount of support.

And read your partner’s signals.  Don’t just ignore him/her or simply keep overgiving.  Pay attention. Ask your Beloved to be clear about exactly the quantity and quality of support and encouragement they really need.