The Marrying Kind of Men: Seven Key Signs

Here’s another email on the topic of: how can you tell the DUDs (Definitely Unworkable Dudes) from the STUDs (Seriously Terrific, Utterly Devoted). 

“Dear Dr. Diana,

Well, I’ve done it again. Fell for the wrong guy. Couldn’t see the signs but the truth is what are the signs of a man who wants to get married? Could you please tell me what to look for?”  Susan in Omaha

Susan, I’ve got good news for you and for the many others who ask the same questions.  Over the past few years, researchers have looked closely at the types of men who are more likely to be interested in a long-term relationship or marriage and those who are likely to be commitment-phobes or players.  And guess what?  There are tell-tale signs that you can use to guide you to the STUDs.

Rutgers University and The National Marriage Project conducted a national study that showed that married men were more likely than single men to have grown up with both biological parents.  Almost half of the married men reported going to religious services several times a month, while less than one quarter of the unmarried men did.  When the researchers sorted out the “Marrying Kind” of single men, they found a similar difference:  those who came from traditional backgrounds in intact families and those who attended religious services regularly each month were more likely to agree with the following statement: “You’d be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along.”  Also, a Gallup poll showed that the vast majority of these men are seeking a “soul-mate” who will fulfill their emotional, sexual and spiritual desires and will also share breadwinning responsibilities.

Before I share the seven key differences between avoiders and the marrying kind of men I want you take advantage of my free ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to find and attract the One, deepen commitment, create a lasting love relationship and much much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!  Click Here to get started now.

Now back to the key research findings. The study cited seven significant differences between the ‘marrying kind’ and the non-marrying kind.  Marriage avoiders were more likely to:

• distrust women to tell the truth about prior relationships 
• worry more about the risks of divorce 
• say they did not want children 
• believed that singles have better sex lives than marrieds 
• agree to the statement that “there are so many bad marriages today it makes one question the value of marriage.”
• say that at this stage of life they just wanted to have fun
• express the concern that, “If you marry, your biggest concern would be losing your personal freedom.”

Ladies, there are some important clues here. 

 Obviously, there are wonderful, available guys who don’t fit the complete profile of the ‘marrying kind.’  Nevertheless, the research is convincing that good parental role models and a spiritual or religious background help in molding guys who are more serious about commitment. If marriage is your goal, you may want to watch early on for info and clues about a guy’s upbringing; eagerness for marriage; spiritual or religious activities; general distrust of women; and his fears about losing personal freedom. Don’t waste your time on the ‘non-marrying kind’; they will only break your heart. 

 Be discerning and find out what any serious partner is offering you.  Remember that you deserve a loving commitment.

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.

Tags: advice-for-singles, dating advice, Dating Advice for Women, Diana Kirschner, relationship advice, what men like, what men want